I realized yesterday after session that I respond to my T like I resond to my parents. I had known I was uncomfortable with her lately, but I chaulked it up to lack of connection, tough issues, etc... but yesterday something else clicked. I find myself reading my parents' responses, attitudes, and motivations into her style. I don't know how to really change this. I will be talking to her about it next week, but until then, it's kinda making me really not want to go back. I'm not 100% sure what is triggering this transference. I haven't noticed any with therapists prior to the one before this one (I've seen a ton over the years because they were students). Transference with last T was all warm & fuzzy, happy, mommy stuff. The one with this T is the scary, want to run away, I know you think I'll never be good enough kind. What do I do with it when it's so negative? I literally freeze in session and have lots of trouble talking or even shifting position. I don't want ot be seen. I don't want to "get in trouble" for anything, so I can't force myself to tell T when I disagree with her or when she gets something wrong. I tried to tell her that I wanted to run out of the room yesterday, but at the time I couldn't figure out 1) why & 2) why I didn't. It wasn't till after session that my brain started functioning again.
Has anyone had this really negative reaction to T that was so heavily based in the past, and not necessarily T her-/himself? I left her a message last night telling her that I realized I am reacting to her like I do to my parents. I'm not sure if she knows how to deal with it. She's still technically a student also, so I'm hoping she will have time to get supervision around it if she doesn't have ideas. Last T never addressed it when I brought up the happy stuff, thoguh this T addresses a lot fo stuff other T had glossed over...
I dunno. I don't like feeling so unsafe with T. It's supposed to be my one safe place, and it's just not right now.