When I am down on myself I eat and eat and eat (and sometimes drink a lot too) it's comfort eating and escapism to an extent but also self destruction. 'I don't deserve to be healthy' 'I don't care what becomes of me'. And I always feel worse after binging.
I feel best when I am trying to be healthy, but I don't know whether I feel better because I am being healthy, or whether I am being healthy because I feel better.