*****Triggers*****

I have very few memories of my childhood. But I do know I was abused physically and emotionally. But the one thing that bothers me is that I have a lot of "indicators" of sexual abuse, but absolutely no memories. It really bothers and worries me a lot.

As a child, I:
- I don't ever remember learning about what sex was. I always "knew".
- I started masturbating at a very, very young age quite frequently (more than is considered "normal" for my age as a child)
- I used to "play sex" with my Ken and Barbie dolls as a child
- I accidentally found some porn as a child and it didn't surprise or bother me
- I was an incredibly difficult child to potty train because I was afraid of people and of telling people about my bodily functions
- I still feel extremely self-conscious about my body and don't like others to see me naked or changing ever, no matter who they are
- I once had a flashback (the only fully immersive flashback I've ever had) that was only a few seconds long of me being a little child and lying in bed terrified. I pulled myself out of it as soon as it started happening because I knew it was a flashback, so I have no idea what might have happened, but it still makes me wonder

What bothers me the most is that if something like that had happened, no one would ever have known because everyone in my family was so clueless. They would have had no idea. And if I buried the memory (or memories) away, I would have no idea.

And I'm not sure whether to bring it up with my T since I don't remember anything and don't know that anything actually happened. Or whether to just wait and see if anything ever comes to consciousness.