It is never easy to think about what we do inside our own heads with another person. We have things so neat and the way we like them? Then these other people come in there and don't seem to understand and stomp all over our neat order like a muddy dog coming into a just-cleaned kitchen and not only is our work ruined but the kitchen itself is no longer comfortable for us but the dog has moved on (or been moved on :-) But we can't just reclaim the kitchen and deny things were ever dirty. We have to clean everything again, with care, and we begin to see the grotty stove can't really get clean like we'd like and we have ants coming in over in this corner we didn't notice, etc.