Ive been dropped by my therapist....like a hot potato
he cancelled the second time on me today and well....decided that the timing was off and said well....sorry about your luck....
he was nice enough however to give me a number of a self injury expert...apparently this guy is so "good" he travels the country....those two talked it over without even asking about my take on the whole situation and even though this "expert" is taking no new clients...he will take me .....i wonder if my old therapist is getting some sort of commission for this..probably...i have no idea how much i will pay this "expert". And all i want to say is...well....you know....there is more to me than my self injury....so....why go to him if he can only fix one thing...and thats to physically stop it....im not even self injuring at the moment....i am in this "break" so what will it look like if i walk into his office and say...well im ok right now..but just you wait and see....it will come back....meh....it was soo hard talking to this therapist i went off the deep end...now i have to do it all over again with some stranger.....who can only help me in one area..which means im going to need someone else....on the side....people...i am not made of money here...and i cant get insurance...because if my job found out i would surely loose my job and any chances of furthering my career.....not to mention then everyone would find out about it .....because one of the people who is near the head boss is my boyfriends aunt.....dear god if they found out id be on the streets i mean they wont want me (it would explain alot of my behavior perhaps) but they wouldnt want their son mixed up with me.....im what they call in the papers...The "estranged" girlfriend...then maybe The "estranged" wife.....and well yea..sorry bout my rant....
im just scared....