Everything I have to say is toxic and miserable and depressed...

My life has always sucked, and I'm tired of never enjoying anything. I look around, and most people seem to enjoy at least some parts of life, but my life has been nothing but pain and stress. If there is never a moment to live for, then what am I doing?? I detest my husband, my job, I have no friends. I pay for relationships. I pay massage therapists to touch me. I pay maids to help me clean. I pay yoga instructors to help me distress. I pay for activities and shows... No amount of money and no material things, no services, bring me any joy. No amount of physical activity, or effort on my part has worked either. Everything about me is wrong, and it's no wonder no one likes me. I would hate me too, I'm a real downer. The only thing that's ever brought me any joy/ relief is drugs.