Hi, HT, saw your posts, I think you may be able to find 12 step meetings online. I've also been clean and sober for lots of years but suffer from social anxiety, which makes meetings (especially talking at meetings) hard. As was mentioned, any type of support group will help, maybe your therapist has a resource. I too have fantasies of getting high but I know of course that I will go downhill pretty fast afterward...I won't take psych meds either cause I believe I just want some chemical to make me feel better. Not judging anyone on meds. Just my own thing. Keep in touch with us before you take that 1st drink or hit.