Thank you all so much for your responses. I think it's just trying to process the diagnosis. On one hand, nothing has changed, which is great, because I don't ever want it to be something that defines me. On the other hand, it doesn't feel so great, because nothing has changed. I just want things to feel better than they currently are, and can't seem to find a way around it all. Medication is scaring me somewhat as well. I've been on many anti-psychotics in the past, and they've often helped with the mood swings, but every time I've been on them, I've had a dystonic reaction, where my neck spasms, and I can't fully control the movement of it. This has just happened with quetiapine as well. Every single anti-psychotic I've tried, I have this reaction... the psychiatrists has just given me something to counteract that side effect today (procyclidine), but I'm terrified it won't work, as I'm sure I've been on it in the past and it hasn't worked... I'm a mess when I'm not on medication, but it seems like every medication you can take for bipolar has that side effect, and it's a side effect I just can't manage. Its really bad, and destroys my self confidence - I just don't think I can continue with medication that does that, as it makes me feel just as low as I do in the down periods, but in a different way. I just want to be able to fight all of this, and have tried for years without medication, and I still struggle. Has anyone else had this side effect?