Thank you both, I am glad I am not the only one with a relative like this! I can't imagine someone changing the weekend of their visit (and extending it) or a cousin who wants to stay for 12 days instead of the weekend I invited them for.

The one thing I've learned this year is that it's better to keep my mouth shut about what I am doing around my mother and a few friends, otherwise they will invite themselves or just show up. It has been a really slow learning process for me, but I am getting better at evading their questions and not inviting them in the first place.

For example, now I know that my mother only asks me about what I am doing so she can invite herself. I no longer tell her specific details about any of my plans. A casual mention that I am going to a festival for the weekend will result in her inviting herself along. I've also gotten better about saying no, thankfully.

Anyway, I think that is part of why I was so frustrated with myself. I know that if I try to include my mother in a small way, she will somehow twist it into 10x more contact than I want or some horrible, complicated endeavor-- she just did this three weeks ago when we tried to take her out for her birthday.

But, yes - I need to be very, very specific in the future.