If you have to ask if cutting is okay, then you know the answer. Also drinking and contemplating cutting is some damn scary behavior. Alcohol causes you to bleed more freely, and lowers your inhibitions, so how will you know how much is too much?

I feel for you Growli but you can't erase your past in blood and vodka. You can erase your shame and put the blame back where it belongs, but it involves a damn lot of hard work in therapy and a real willingness to change.

I hope you get some help soon before you decide that you no longer deserve help, or that you don't need it because your drinking and SI have you covered.

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