I can't seem to put in words what I need from my T. I told her once that she wasn't very comforting, reassuring, etc. and she said she was sad I felt that way because that's the atmosphere she's supposed to be creating. We went round and round about reassurance and she finally said today that she realized I needed her to normalize what I'm going through and tell me it's all part of the process. Yes!

I told her I feel weird being close to her without hearing anything from her maybe because I pay her or that in any other relationship I would back off. she asked what I wanted to hear and I couldn't verbalize it. She said she can't reciprocate because it's supposed to be all about my feelings. She asked if I wanted her to share her feelings to level the playing field. I said I wasn't sure.

So, because I cry over this relationship with her, her not seeming to understand what I need, me not being able to articulate it, I've thought about seeing another T. to help me know how to talk to my current T. And, maybe in the process new T. will be more what I need. I'm really sad and will be devastated if that's what happens but I just don't know if I can take this anymore. And, if you ask what "this" is, I'm not sure. My general overall feelings for my T. that won't go away. And, then what are those feelings? I really can't figure out how to say them.