I am probably the worst when it comes to setting boundaries, especially with my mother!

My mother lives in the same town, so she can't stay with me, thankfully. If I ever moved away, I am not sure how I would get out of that one, to be honest. Ripping out walls in the guest room or throwing out the couch she sleeps on come to mind.

The less information you give someone when you say no, the better. I'm sure you've heard that before, but I've gotten better about applying it this year and it's really true, even with my mother.

I opted out of a couple of out of state family get togethers this year. I just said that I couldn't go. I didn't say why. When she asked why, I said that it didn't work for me or something equally vague. The trick is not to give them anything to hang an argument on.

I would start talking up how busy/frazzled I am, to give her the hint that a visit is unwelcome. When she does finally ask directly, tell her 'no, sorry, I can't.' When she asks why: 'I just can't right now.' If she wants to pick a date in the future: 'I can't right now.' Or suggest a date when you are willing to visit her, like a holiday your family celebrates.

I can picture offering the dinner only option to my mother - it would turn into her staying at my place all weekend. I am learning not to offer those options and compromises. When someone continually violates reasonable boundaries, when they go by the 'get away with whatever I can' rules, you can't really give them reasonable alternatives or compromises. They will not take them the way a reasonable, normal person would.

Ooh -- one other suggestion, not sure if it would work for you -- I hate it when my in-laws visit, so now we meet them in a different town. We usually camp while they stay in a hotel. It's wonderful - we are meeting on neutral turf and it's easy to walk away from someone when you are at a museum/zoo/whatever. They can't come over for dinner and then stay all night. When we get sick of them, we can go back to our camp site, no more being trapped in our own home! Maybe you could meet your mother somewhere for a weekend? And arrange to stay in a different hotel but don't tell her until you get there?