as a recovering pill junkie myself I can tell you that the beginning was never really officially the beginning, but the awakening. I'd recommend seeking help. Pills are the easiest to overdose on because you can get high and forget what you've taken, then take more and more. Life doesn't seem worthy enough to care about when some addicts reach this point, but sobriety itself reveals an entirely worthy chapter....I hope good comes to you, or you go to good...one of the two.