Is your H the sort of man that could/would go to a counselor, not a church member of course, someone outside your normal world? Would he do it under the guise of helping you or the kids? Then perhaps his anger issues could just, ya know, come up?
Just wondering.
I feel for you. I used to be part of that world in a big way...in a former life. I was a pretty fish in a bowl... our life always on display. That is the part that was good. No one acts out when others are around. I entertained a lot, it was good protection...

I really understand how hard it feels to leave the security, for you & your kids. But it is also hard to protect kids from an ill tempered man. They can be guided by you to understand it is His problem, not them, never them. Boosting them up, pulling your kids closer to you when (figuratively) the storm comes, being that safe place for them will give all of you strength. I read a book with my kids at a difficult time called, A Purpose Driven Life, the kids version. We all gained a lot of strength from it.
Until you decide what will be best, I will keep you in prayer.