mtd-- I think it's an important thing to see how the hurtful past has contributed in forming one's life thus far.
I am now just realizing such things as well, like feeling hollow and afraid of people/relationships..... I even have found my body has been affected in ways I never realized. It's astounding to me just how much my traumatic childhood has shaped my adult life.

We are left with many things we would rather not have-- but, we also have our future-- that maybe we can steer towards a healing direction.... which is different for each and everyone of us.

When I used to be in therapy I often told the psychologist that I feel as if we're doing a dance but I'm hearing totally different music reacting with different steps than the therapist is..... "awkward" is the way I described it.... and also defensive. It's very hard-- I understand.

If you want to practice with conversing, you are welcome to PM me anytime.

all the best to you mtd--

mandy