Hi there everybody.

So everyday this year now I’ve been thinking about my sexuality. What started my anxiety was when I read an article regarding digit ratio and it said lesbians tend to have a longer ring finger. I have a longer ring finger. And I have had strong feelings for my female friends before. It lead to me to hopelessly wonder, am I exclusively lesbian? I can’t say I’ve ever been in love with a man, but I can see myself easily more falling in love with a woman. I want more than anything to have a family and children with a man im in love with. Will that ever happen?
I dont want to be a lesbian but I feel like I could love women more than men. They are just more beautiful and more easy to emotionally connect with.
I remember being attracted to women as far as 5 years old.

When I had a retrograde flashback of my life all the signs, meanings, and social interactions screamed I was lesbian. I am very sad it is so. I think it is a reason for all the awkwardness and psychic pain I had endured.
I think the first step is to face it, which I slowly am.
The issue is, I currently have a boyfriend. Who I’m not so sure I am wholeheartedly attracted to. (I was very attracted to my ex boyfriend. Though I don’t think my heart ever beat fast for him.except on our first kiss and at times When I felt I couldn’t have him). Anyway so you can see how this is a complicated situation. I was amidst my awakening phase when he came and we just started dating I guess so here it is.
I think I was in denial for so long that even the thought of eating a girl out or making out with a girl is awkward for me. I think I need to do my worse fear: go all out lez to release and explore myself. I don’t want anything to hide anymore.