I have a session tomorrow, and I'm not sure if I should talk about this. Everyone who has ever remotely assessed me has always said I'm definitely not bipolar, and I don't think I am either - although my late mother used to worry I was showing signs of going that way because of my mood swings.

After having a very dark dangerous night at the weekend, I have picked up and swung back into a really invincible productive kind of mood. I have noticed this happen before. In one way I got loads done yesterday - nothing huge, but lots of little tasks that the week before would have been a struggle. Was so restless and agitated I had to go to the gym to burn off steam. Embraced all contacts from quite a few friends and felt really social and genuinely happy to interact with them.

Feeling really sexually motivated, but was thrilled with myself for fantasizing about positive healthy interaction that left me with no guilt or worry afterwards. The only fly in the ointment is that I fantasized about my therapist, and while I don't feel exactly bad about it, it feels like another complication and my head feels too full.

Managing my workload in my career in an upbeat way, but not really getting stuff done if that makes sense - although I know I will pull an all nighter or two and get it done come hell or high water. I haven't slept much and it's like being tired but not. I feel SO optimistic, though I do have a sense of realism that I might tumble back down into the bad place, but feel fearless and for some reason adrenalized. I have taken a (prescribed) pill that is supposed to help with concentration and alertness.

I can't work out if this is something to be worried about or not? Maybe my emotions are just shot to pieces, so everything is a bit haphazard? Is this just what feeling a bit happy is like - is it just that I feel optimistic so infrequently these days it feels unfamiliar?

I do know I also will need to talk about the new erotic schiz with my therapist at some time but I feel like I'm going too fast and need to slow down, and need to talk about my really bad night (sui) at the weekend as a priority, and not get bogged down talking about sex.