Hey all

I thought i would post, as i have several things on my mind. You may already be aware of my other post about my Nan, well this post is kind of related...let me explain.

I have been out of work now for 6 months, through my own choice. Basically i saved up enough money and left my job, and i have been so much happier and healthier since. I took on a temporary job last week which started today, and lasts 2 weeks. this it the first monday to friday 9 - 5 job i have had in 6 months...and already i feel trapped!!

My nan is in hospital and i wanted to spend the night with her to be there, but instead i had to come home to go to bed ready for work tomorrow morning, so i feel so angry and trapped...i need the money now though, i know my nan is more important but this 2 week job will do me many favours cash wise.

Plus, this thursday (the 3rd) it will be 6 years that my mum passed away...and normally the family get together and go out for the day to celebrate my mums life, but again, i cant...and again it makes me feel trapped.

I havent felt these feelings before, and i hate them. i know work is a neccesity, but i want to get into music, and i know full time jobs force me to feel pressured and trapped, ruining my enthusiasm and creativity for music. i know this job is only 2 weeks, but it has come at such a bad time for me...i want to be with my nan, i want to do something on thursday for my mums anniversary, but i cant.

I hate it, and it makes me so miserable. most of you may think im just being stupid or pathetic, but to me i cant do it. if it wasnt for the fact i recently needed that money (for my holiday) then i would walk away from it. and of course, i have had to cancel singing lessons for 2 weeks whilst im working, so i am not able to express myself there...it just feels like this job is taking everything away from me that i cherish...everything i left my job last year to pursue...my music, freedom and happiness. im the type of guy who NEEDS freedom, with it i am happy and creative, without it i lose creatvity, motivation and happiness, i get depressed living this life, im just not "wired up" that way!

i know, im moaning...i guess i just feel low! i am wrong to feel this way about my job?

Simon