thank you granite - yes, I'm ok. I feel really sad and I was almost unable to speak with T, but he handled it well and the session ended with me at least telling him in general what it was I couldn't talk about. I told him I need more help when I get all tied up in my own spiralling thoughts. I'm just afraid that he is getting tired of me. I am getting tired of me.
But in two hours I'm teaching and that will probably get me in a better mood because my students are so great, and it means I am forced to think about seminar preparations instead of my own failure.

And here's the car I'll bring.