Hi

As a child, my brother and I were emotionally neglected. My mum had severe anxiety and depression and my dad's time was taken caring for my mum, which had a server impact on both of us.

I have felt very angry and bitter for years and have never told either of them.

Today I spoke to my dad. I was telling him how far I have come and spoke a bit about BPD. We then spoke about my brother and how he has BPD too. My dad said 'I just don't understand why you are both struggling like this, you were always such happy kids' ...he then asked 'you was happy as a kid wasn't you?'.....well at this I burst out crying and told him exactly how I felt about my mum's behaviour and how it had impacted me so much.

His first response was 'I didn't do anything wrong did I?' ....I was upset that this is what his first question was considering the gravity of what I had just told him. At this point I wish I could of told him I didn't feel he was there enough for me but I couldn't....I just couldn't. I think what I said was enough for him for now to be able to take in.

I went on to tell him different scenarios in which my mum had failed me..one of them being never taking me to get my first bra...his response was 'well she is funny about underwear, she wont even buy them for herself'.

I then told him about all the times I remember her being mean to him and all the depression and anxiety she had and told him how it made me feel. I told him everything.

He didn't apologise once. He just said he didn't think at the time how me and my brother would be affected.

He felt so bad that in the end I was comforting him...which I am now mad at...really I needed comforting but again my needs came last.

He is baffled by what I told him, there was no apology and he made me promise never to tell my mum. He also kept seeking reassurance that he did nothing wrong.

Although I feel good for finally letting him know, I am left feeling upset and invalidated. I imagined this day going so much better.

I have decided to leave it at that. Without tearing my family apart, I am never going to get what I so crave for.

It wasn't their fault, they did the best with the hand they were dealt and although it they managed it in an awful way, I don't really blame them anymore.