Hi! I am not a parent myself, but my niece (who is 14) is behaving in exactly the same way with regards to her father (he is not together with my sister anymore).

He lives out of town, so it takes a while to get there. He is married now and has three small kids. I sometimes think she feels like a fifth wheel or feel like a babysitter, but honestly, what she complains about is that she can't see her friends and that it's a bit boring at her father's place. She has a good relationship with him, as does my sister, and my sister is NOT behind her attitude at all. My sister keeps telling her she has to go, that it hurts her father's feelings when she doesn't want to, that she can reschedule her plans to another night etc.

When she is with her father they usually have a good time, and I think a part of her also likes being with family (I know I did, back then, even though I might not admit it), to be a "child" and be allowed to watch silly tv shows or play games you are too old for in your friends' eyes. So I think you should talk to your daugther, just say that you understand that she would rather want to be with her friends, but you look forward to seeing her every time and frankly it hurts your feelings a bit when she doesn't want to go (dads being open about their emotions to their daughters is crucial, you have no idea how emotional 14-year old girls are, it appeals to them. One of the reasons I have a great relationship with my dad is that I always talked about feelings with him, more than with my mom, it really brought us closer), and you can say that you always like spending time with her. Then suggest that the next time she comes she can have a friend over on one of the days, maybe her friend can even sleep over. Make plans in advance, find out if she wants to see a special TV programme, see a movie in the cinema etc., so there is a little variation and so you show that you care about what she wants to do. Make food she likes, etc.

And talk to her mom. NOT suggesting that she's behind this attitude change, that will just anger her and make her trust you less, but talk to her and say that you really want to spend time with your daughter and you need some advice from her, who is with her every day, on how to make her enjoy staying with you more, tips for activities etc. She might have some tips. Even though you are divorced you have one thing in common, your daughter. You both love her and want the best for her, and I think her mother would only think it showed dedication on your part if you asked her for advice.