I need to talk about today's session. I just got home and am feeling a little dizzy. I had a lot to tell her. She suggested last time that my H and I should talk to our daughters about their feelings about his illness. I told her about those conversations. There were other experiences I had during the two weeks to talk about. I told her that my H feels fine after chemo, which is good, of course, but the doctor's words depressed me. I don't want to get into it here.

My T wanted me to talk about my feelings, which is hard for me to do. I never talked about my Mom when she was sick, or even that much about my Dad. I shy away from feeling sad. T just finished her course in somatic experiencing and is now a full-fledged practitioner. She came and sat next to me and put her hand on one of my hands, and asked if she could touch my arm. I had my eyes closed so I don't even know where she was touching exactly. She asked how I felt. I was afraid to say at first. She wanted me to focus on the sad feelings. I finally said I felt small, like I was shrinking. I said I felt like crying but I couldn't. I felt like she was protecting me. She said she was supporting me. That's what it felt like like--so good, but made me feel the sadness. She said being supported will make me be able to let it out. She was pushing firmly on my upper arm, I think. I felt like it is a real possibility that I will cry. It's hard to hold it in with her and I know I need to cry--not just about my H, but about everything. It's all linked together.

She let me stay 15 minutes over time. Finally, at the end of the session, I asked if she had to learn how to do the financial stuff when she got divorced. She said, "yes", she did, because as I suspected, her H handled it when they were married. So it was a simple question and she answered it.

I also told her that I was worried about her. She reassured me that she is fine, and actually gained a lot of weight since her divorce, that she was too thin when it was going on and had lost weight. That must be last year, maybe when I made that mean comment to her. I really didn't notice that she is heavier now, but I am glad she told me that!

I feel drained now. The intensity was exhausting for me. T says she may get a table for the office to do SE. I told her I couldn't handle that! Maybe I could though. I had that physical reaction but I think it was because we were talking about sexual issues earlier in the session.

I've been so anxious lately, and getting out of breath easily. T said that was normal for what I'm going through. I felt safe and calm when she was touching me! It was intense, but I felt calm.

This thread may not make much sense; I'm processing it all.