Feeling overwhelmed with the feeling that I cannot [or will not?] support myself in any meaningful way any more. I just can't seem to work without it driving me to suicidal thoughts. I am the world's biggest malingerer. I wish I could go back into private practice, but keep feeling like I can't, I'll fail, there are too many good reasons not to. Maybe biggest of them all: I'm not well enough.

I wish I could fly.