I broke up with someone a little over two weeks ago, and I'm reeling. Work helps me escape from my grief, but I am having a hard time when I get home.

He is a salesman. Commission salesman. His paychecks are up and down, but he still made more than me. I live alone, and pay all of my own bills. He lived with a roommate, and paid rent to a place he wasn't living in because he practically lived with me. First mistake - I let that slide.

He was kind, and at first he was caring. As the relationship progressed, we had less and less to say to each other unless we went out to our "bar". Serious conversations weren't had until we'd had some beverages, and I knew a long time ago that something was off about all of this.

About a year ago, I was to renew my lease for my apartment. Since he didn't have a car that he owned (he was driving his roommate's car) and he had other financial woes that I became privy to after some "truth serum", I became more wary.

However, I gave him a year. A year to get his crap together.

Well, here we are. A year later and nothing to show for it. He said he had a bad month, but even when he was having a "good" one I never saw any benefits. No help, no real dates. Just more nights at the bar. That I paid for.

And I let this happen.

Well, my car started breaking down and my job requires me to drive. I've worked VERY hard to get where I am now. I climbed my way through my company and have a very secure job. So I bought a car, but not from his dealership.

The main thing that made me kick him out was that he never "courted" me, but I blame myself. Even though I made it clear that's what I wanted throughout the relationship, none of it mattered until I said I was done with it.

I am tired of being a doormat. I thought I was helping him save money by supporting him, but to find out that he had NOTHING saved for us to move in together was too much.

He hawked stuff. He owed (owes) the IRS. He was never honest about money, but he wanted to move in together. My opinion is that he wanted someone to take care of it. Stuff. Lack of responsibility... Did I mention he's almost 44?????

When we finally decided this year to move in, he said he needed me to pay the deposit, the pet deposit (for a cat that I'm allergic to), and the first months rent. I knew, in my heart, that setting this precedent meant I would ALWAYS be paying for stuff. Because stupid me already has been.

The more I considered this, the more I realized I couldn't be his "sugar momma" anymore. I started to freak out, and I told him I was and why. He said everything was going to be alright. Everything I've told him about my fears is nothing new, but he blew me off.

Until I said I was done.

I'm not looking to be rewarded. I'm simply looking for the same respect I give others. But apparently, that means I'm a *&^(ing doormat. Why is that???

My heart aches and I kind of miss him. I'm not going to do anything stupid, but I do wish I could write a letter explaining things. But if he didn't listen then, why should he now, right?

Opinions, encouragement, and brutality is welcome (in his or my regard). I know right now I am feeling bad because I am feeling BAD. Sad. Did I really do the right thing? I'm sorry this is so long...

Thanks!