Talked to my pdoc and therapist about it today and they both believe i will improve once back on Lithium. I just have to wait out another week of feeling very suicidal and agitated. The ECT should start to kick in soon too. Problem is the positive effects of ECT wore off after 3 months so I am very frustrated to be going round in circles. This only increases my hopelessness and despair as I can see no way out of this torment, only brief breaks.

Thanks to all for your comments. It really means a lot to me!