Went to see my Therapist yesterday and just basically stared at her, I am in a good place right now. No up no down just even Steven, and I HATE IT!!
What is wrong with me that I need all of the drama in my life, I want to be in one extreme or the other. My last mixed episode was bad, I almost cheated on my wife because I was in that manic everybody wants me phase and for some reason this actually works for me. Thankfully a good friend steered me away from that situation. I was delusional but was afraid to confront the conspirators for fear of capture. Then I went into a two week hole of stumbling through life in a pit of despair all the while great things are happening in my life(great new job)
I wonder what it is in my head that makes it necessary to have drama, I mean I used to be ok being "normal" at least for the short periods of it that I got. Now that my med cocktail is getting better I am having longer bouts of the middle. How does every body deal with that change?

BPII
Risperdal 1.25
Celexa 40mg -- Fighting to get off this one.
Klonopin 1 mg 3x daily
Lamictal- weaning up