A little background: This month marks my one year working in retail after leaving my nursing career due to clinical burnout + depression. The shop is a little kiosk in the middle of the mall, which gives me a great opportunity to work on my social anxiety and test my coping skills. Overall I enjoy my new job and career even if it isn't the best; I like making my customers smile and helping them find exactly what they need, and my customer service and management skills are really put to good use here. My boss is older than me, a very sweet and nice woman who gave me a job only on the good word of a friend. Which makes my entire situation even more frustrating!

Over the last 6 months, I have been starting to feel taken advantage of. In April I was promised a promotion to Assistant Manager by our DM (since Dec 13 I had taken on the role under the pretense this was training and probation for the title). Every time the date comes for my promotion, I'm given an excuse as to why they cannot promote me at this time. I have done everything that has been asked of me above and beyond. To be honest, the only manager duties I don't do are scheduling (doesn't stop the other girls from harassing me about it anyway) and refund checks. Emails with head office, paper work, product transfers, stock buying, budget balances, I do all of it, because if I don't then it will not get done. My boss can't do these things as she has no computer training and everything is electronic. I come in after 2 days off and the kiosk is a DISASTER!

Last week the new Regional was in visiting. I had hopes this would finally be the time I got the promotion since this RM had stated every store was to have both a manager & assistant no matter what. We met and she was very impressed by me & my skills (so I'm told) but no promotion. This month's excuse is 'we have to approve it with head office'. Hm.

I'm so frustrated and exhausted. I cancelled my yearly September weekend plans so I could work the mandatory blackout period. My schedule changes almost daily and I never know what I'm working beyond a day or two. I am supposed to have Tuesdays off for my medical appointments but for the last several weeks this has not been happening due to staff shortages and I have been working 12 day stretches at times, which means I have to reschedule and wait all over again. There are lots of inner politics and general catty office backstabbing that I try to stay away from because I'm the type of person that will just end up yelling at everyone to stop acting like bratty schoolchildren and to get back to work.

My boss & coworkers know I have depression and anxiety. They do not know to what extent or that I experience psychosis under stress. To my knowledge the other managers and bosses do not know anything about my condition as I have not disclosed it. I need a break. Last week I told my boss I needed a vacation and wanted to use my pay to take a week off- yes, sure, we can do that next week she told me. Well... I have to go work in an hour, so you know, that vacation didn't happen And I think my boss is off on her vay-cay next week!

3 weeks ago a close family friend was in an ATV accident, nearly died, he is still in a coma with brain damage. The stress triggered me and I ended up with a suicide attempt and SH. This monday I finally saw my doctor and it was a fight to convince him I was stable enough to not be in the hospital. We are trying new meds now. I called in to work after because I was so exhausted from dealing with my doctors and getting the meds sorted out, coupled with already pulling 6 days straight. My boss was LIVID, hung up on me while I was crying and apologizing that I couldn't go in because of a medical reason. I'm terrified of what is going to happen today. I know she is going to get revenge on me somehow, or guilt me into giving up another day off to work. She's one of those people who goes to work no matter what. Right now she is sick with pneumonia and a collapsed lung and still goes in every single day because we don't have staff coverage. I feel tremendous guilt and weakness that I'm not as strong a person as she is. My mother is the same way, you go to work no matter what, unless you're standing there with a chopped off bleeding limb you finish the shift. This has been drilled in to me as good work ethic, even if I know it's just plain crazy to expect people to perform well at a job when they are ill.

I just need some time off to RELAX and get away from how toxic everything is there. My depression is coming to my workplace now; I have a hard time smiling at or even greeting customers and nearly told a last minute shopper to f* off the other night. Sooo glad I caught myself before that slipped. After the customer left I closed the kiosk early and spent the last 10 minutes crying while I counted the change.

I'm worried that I'm just going to keep getting screwed around with the promotion and vacation. If I don't get some time away soon I am going to crack. I feel it would be wrong to go over my boss's head to the Regional and ask for a stable schedule and time off... but I don't really see this happening any other way I just don't know how to handle this. If I take an LOA I'm scared of that going into my file... I already took one at the beginning of the year due to blood clots so it will be another mark against me. I can't afford to loose my job because I'm sick all the time.

argh!