Lost, I just looked and this thread has more than 700 views. People are reading and listening even if they aren't posting. You will be listened to here. I look at this thread right away when I sign into the forums and read what's been posted, then I think about it for a while before replying.

I know you're trying very hard. I know from first hand experience how difficult and upsetting a daughter's complete rejection can be.

My daughter once refused to speak to me for six months and I didn't know why. I didn't know what I did to offend her and she was definitely very angry at me. Finally, one of her friends told me and it was ... well, it was a simmering issue related to personality differences. I definitely felt -- very strongly -- that I was completely in the right and she was completely in the wrong and acting very badly and doing things that scared the living bejasus out of me. I considered her behavior to be impulsive, bull headed and self-destructive.

So, I thought the situation over for a few days and I decided it was more important to have her in my life than it was to be right. So, I apologized to her, not only for the thing that had triggered her anger in the moment, but whatever I may have done while she was growing up that hurt her or angered her or left her feeling unimportant or oppressed or abandoned. I apologized for things I don't know if I even did.

It didn't matter if I was right or wrong or if I did or didn't do things as she remembered them. What mattered is she was feeling hurt and angry and really wanted an acknowledgment from me that I had made mistakes. Which, of course, I had. Every mother makes mistakes even when she's trying really hard to do the right thing. Sometimes life is just overwhelming and it's impossible to give the right thing at the right moment. Sometimes s**t happens and it's impossible to keep everyone safe from the s**t storm.

But it wasn't impossible for me to swallow my pride and to tell my daughter that I was sorry for all the things I had done wrong and that I would try to do better in the future. Nowhere in my apology did I mention any of the things she may have done wrong. She made mistakes. Everyone does. But I didn't mention them or try to correct her or get an apology in return. Who won and who lost was not as important as healing the rupture.

The fracture mended. Pretty soon she started telling me about some of the things she was doing that made my hair stand on end. She talked and l listened without criticism, except to ask about using protection and offering to get something if she needed help. We talked and talked. She talked and I listened and didn't correct her on anything. Over a period of several months she changed her own behaviors, the ones that were alarming.

Sometimes children slam doors on us because they feel hurt or oppressed or unheard. If we want that door to open again, it's our job to swallow our pride and make walking back through that door look like an attractive option.

I felt lost when my daughter was actively rejecting me. Really lost and hurt. Swallowing my pride and letting her know how sorry I was that she was hurting and that I'd done things that had hurt her brought her back home.

I don't know if anything like that would work in your situation. My girl was doing things that I don't think any mother would like. I'm glad she came home. Things smoothed out. We're planning a family trip together soon. It was just a year ago that she rejected me so fully and completely that I thought my heart would break. But it's all better now and she likes that she won. She won. And it didn't cost me a thing.

I wish you the best in working things out with your daughter and the rest of your family.