Hello gina: I'm in my mid-sixties. And I've also struggled with depression & anxiety my entire life. I believe either I was born with it, or it developed while I was still very young. I'll never know for sure. One thing I do believe, though, is as we get older it becomes progressively more difficult to "hold things together", as they say. I managed to live a more-or-less normal life despite my depression & anxiety until I reached my late 40's. Then, as I entered my fifties, my life just unraveled.

I don't know how old you are. However, you're clearly not as old as I am. Still, it sounds as though you've struggled with your depression & anxiety for quite a few years too. I don't know if I have any great suggestions for you. However I thought I would offer a few thoughts based on my own experiences.

First I would like to suggest that simply taking a week off from work, if you just stay home for the week, may only succeed in burning up your last week of vacation time. Presumably you realize this since you wrote, in your post, you weren't sure what to do during that time. I would suggest, if you're going to take time off, try to get away from home as well as work. There are many places where one can go to have a personal (private) retreat. This might be something to consider. Get away from both work & home. Give yourself the time & space to think, regroup & re-charge. Read, commune with nature, pray or meditate, or just take long walks.

My experience, as a long-term struggler with depression & anxiety is, at some point one just has to accept that this is the way it is. Whether it is some chemical imbalance in the brain, or something about your past life you have not been able to accept, or whatever; at some point you just have to accept that this is the way it is... period. That said, then, what's important is to do what you can to accommodate the problem. It's not unlike someone who loses a limb. They just have to accept that the limb is gone & they must learn to get along without it. You wrote you & your husband have taken many steps to make things less complicated. Apparently, however, the steps you have taken are either not sufficient or are not "on-target", so to speak.

It sounds as though you are on med's. But you're concerned about changing med's while you're in this downward trend. Med's can certainly help. But they're not a cure, especially for long-term depression & anxiety. I don't know if you have individual & / or group therapy. But, if not, perhaps these are things you could look into. Some type of support group could be of great benefit. Under any circumstances a visit with your prescribing physician (& therapist if you have one) may be in order.

From my perspective, especially with regard to those of us who have struggled for a long time, at some point, we must take a look at our lives, figure out what is & isn't possible, & make whatever accommodations we can to adjust to our "disability". From what you have written, it sounds as though you may be at that point. I hope something I've written here is of some small value. My best wishes to you...