omg she has totally forgotten that she didn't like him. It annoys me and naturally if I call her out on this, she'll throw it back on me, and say I was the one who ultimately decided not to be with him. She only now is ok w/him bc he isn't a threat anymore.

I think mine feels bad and will do nice stuff, but it usually consists of buying me something. I just think she doesn't know any other way to be nice, and material things is the only thing she knows.

I think it's a martyr complex/narcissistic personality disorder/control thing, what your mom does, maybe? So much of this stuff is in the toxic parent book!