Had T session tonight. She gave me homework that has to do with boundaries and saying no. I was doing OK until I hit these two questions:

How has your yes affected you when it should have been a no? What damage has it brought to you?

I haven't really talked about it, but because I didn't say no, I was forced to have sex multiple times by my ex. If I would have said no, would he have still raped me? The one time I did say no he did get forceful, but he gave up and he left.

In high school several boys would sexually harrass me. If I had said no, would all the boys have left me alone?

This assignment was given to me because I have trouble with boundaries but mostly because of my codependent relationship with my mom. I never thought it would trigger the memories with my ex or the boys in high school.
I don't want to deal with these memories right now. Not doing well again tonight.