Hi nadia.
First of all our looks are not important. Ok, yes some people are judgenental, but most people dont care what we look like or dont even notice us because they are two rapped up in them selves.
For the hoarding and low self esteem have you considered seeying a therapist? There are therapists who specifically deal with hoarders and it is recognised now as a mental illness. I hope you can get some help and i hope you find peace.
Also, from what you described you send s lot of time thinking and worrying about the organisation and clutter in your house. So how about removing your self from the house everyday for a slow thirty minute walk.
Lastly you said that your completely alone. Have you though about getting a pet? A small dog would be the best idea as its a good way to meet new people and you would have to leave your house everyday which would give you something else to focus on
Best of luck

Sophie