In an email another member here reminded me of this thread. I came back to read it and in some ways it is still one of the hardest challenges I face in my personal develop/ therapy/actualization.

“…people like me don’t belong” in college. It is not the other peoples’ perception of me that is the problem. It is my own feelings of low self worth, lack of self respect and my inability to accept my own accomplishments. I am the problem—they don’t even realize I am not one of them—that I am not a “privileged child.”

I feel like I am in limbo because I don’t always identify with these people. I still have thoughts, attitudes and behaviors that come from my past. My past experience has shaped who I am today. And yet, I have changed so much that I no longer fit in with my past (alcoholic trailer trash) but still don’t feel like I fit in with the “privileged.” Its like there are 2 worlds and I am in between them—not quite a full citizen of either one.

Sometimes, I feel like I am living the life of an imposter. That they are going to discover who I really am and then, they will boot me out of their privileged world. That is scary because I have already stepped out of my old world and once you step out there is no going back. I will be all alone. I will have failed.

I am sorry if I am kinda repeating myself---I am still struggling with this.

One more thing that makes me feel like I don’t fit in with the people around me is my mental illnesses. Like they are normal and I am not. And since I will probably have these illnesses forever, I will never fit in…

Does anybody else ever feel like they don’t fit in? Why? Do you still feel that way? How did you “fix” it?