I feel so confused broken and miserable lately
I started taking PTSD therapy and ever since I have had a whole lot of random **** start happening to me making me have trigger some of which end up being so strong I am not sure i even want to be out in public when it goes on. I nearly verbally lashed out at another co worker badly a few days...ago....and now I am horrified to go into work again tomorrow. Too top it off I am having a bad manic episode with my bipolar tonight so I can not sleep.The phobia I have been having due to the PTSD is effecting everything in my life....I do not trust hardly anything my SO says to me anymore. And I am guilty thinking that possibly the best thing for us to do...or for me to do so that I do not end up bitterly hating him, and breaking up with him is for us to live seperatly until we can sort stuff the **** out in our lives.

I just can't help but keep asking mentally why is this happening to me? I am going to my therapist i am going to support groups I am trying to work though all of this....why do I feel the way I do why do I still feel like a victim? why am I lashing out angry at people in my life now?

why am I pushing people i love and adore away from me?

why is being happy something I can not recognize or I do not feel like i have in my life? why do I feel whenever I can be happy I get screwed out of being happy any time I really want to have it in my life?