Ipse, Yes I know exactly what you mean. I talked to T once, no many times about my "back up" my suicide plans, she asked me is that a way I guarentee myself a get out clause if life doesn't go my way???? I didn't like hearing that then, but she was right, yes I bargain with life, and I need to take that step INTO LIFE 100% except thats easier said than done I know.

ANyways I wish you well! take care!