I wonder if there is any correlation between those that are unable to cry and SI. However, the ritual you describe sounds somewhat familiar from what I have heard of other's experience though of course yours was unique to you. It sounds like you were controling that experience much like tears but perhaps in control of this in lieu of other things you were not in control of.

I have gained much weight over the time of my therapy though I was overweight to start. Someone else (Perna?) mentioned gaining weight while in therapy that things went from her head to her waist.

Thanks for your thoughts on weight. They actually made me sad last night but they are on target. I do say that sometimes I do feel that the food medicates me sometimes but that when my gut gets too full.... it is certainly not a release. :-( Thanks. I feel encumbered.