I can't deal with SI other than in the aspects of being morbidly obese myself. One thing I try to remember these days is that everyone has their "thing" their share of problems and way(s) of dealing with them (and/or ways their "body" might deal with them). I try to remember my obesity is someone else's depression is someone else's panic attacks is someone else's schizophrenia is someone elses physical problems, is someone else's money problems, etc. I'm pretty sure no one, despite how they look on the "outside," to you and me, has an easy time of it. I wouldn't want to trade Oprah's experiences for her money, I wouldn't want to be a model/actress with anorexia or drug problems or paparazzi problems! I've decided I wouldn't want to be anyone else because I can't know all they're up against.

I occasionally mentioned my weight with my therapist (a "tiny" Asian woman easily 6-8 inches shorter than I am and close to only 1/3rd my weight, I felt like the veritable bull-in-a-china-shop, especially since the office we used was so small and cluttered) but like other "symptoms" I got the impression that underlying causes rather than specific behaviors/symptoms, understanding and "freeing" the "basis" of who I am was the goal in therapy for me. With "more" of myself known, I could then decided how I wanted to "deploy" :-) my substantive energies and skills.

I go to the doctor's (a new one, my nurse practictioner changed doctors and I have to see the doctor first before I can go back to just seeing her) in a couple weeks and I have asthma, "uncontrolled" high blood pressure, possible hypothyroid, etc. some of which are probably age-related but many of which are also weight/lack-of-activity related. I'm loathed to try meds before I truly try getting my act together and living a more healthy lifestyle but, getting myself to work on that is not easy :-) I recently read a book, Change or Die, by Alan Deutschman, which I thought would help but the steps one needs to do to follow its advice, I'm not willing to do. However, some of the explanations he gave for why people end up having bypass surgery (or weight loss surgery) instead of changing their lives so they don't need it made a lot of sense. I haven't quite figured out what I'm going to do with that information though.

I've decided with the doctor, I'm going to tell him I'm taking another 6 months (until my birthday) and then I'll decide about meds. I'll probably be finished most of my current projects for awhile in a couple weeks and am thinking of rejoining the gym or forcing myself to try some other activity. I've watched a million shows, read a zillion books and know what's "possible" and that leaves only "me" to deal with. And that, to me, leads me back to the beginning and what one hopes to accomplish in therapy, etc. I think for me it sometimes comes down to which I "enjoy" more, which is easiest to cope with; the weight/health problems that aren't going to just "go away" or the hard work of working on them?