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SecretGarden said:

I notice that you do like to shake things up. How might it feel to be at peace or not feel the need to shake things up and accept them a bit for what they are?

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it doesn't feel like me. disconnected. maybe t will leave. you know how you start forming your adult identiy around 17, 18 years old or so? well that's when this all started. it's all i know. and i function along with it... work, school, internship, marriage, house, etc. so when i notice that i am beginning to settle a bit, i immediately shake things up. for a long time, i have had an immense fear of getting well. to accept the things the way they are for me, is to accept that i am going to be 'this way' for my life. sometimes it is scary; i get sad; sometimes it is comfortable. i don't know.