Hi Dianne, I'm really sorry you're feeling so bad right now. Those feelings can often come with depression, but that doesn't mean you have to be "stuck" with them. With some real help/support it can be possible to work through things.
So welcome to PC!!! Good that you've joined us because there are a lot of really supportive people here.
And if you want to tell us a bit more about what's going on for you when you're ready..............

Alison