Deleted my earlier post. I feel like I should explain what's bothering me instead of being cryptic about it. What way it feels less attention seeking and all of that. I just need to get the following off my chest:

Today was such a weird session for me. I was depressed when I got in but it got worse and worse and worse during the session. All I could do was to think about how I don't know how to deal with things right now, how horrible I feel, how anxious I am, how my brain just freezes when I try to figure things out etc. I seriously sat there flicking my own fingers (really hard) until they got red and dry in order to relieve the tension. The psychologist asked me if it hurt but I just said "no". The psychologist also commented on the fact that I seemed unfocused and she even asked me if I wanted to leave once (she didn't ask me to leave but she simply asked if that's what I wanted to say but couldn't at the time). I didn't want to, which I told her and she seemed happy with that answer.

Today was also the first time my psychologist mentioned I should go to the hospital if my thoughts get really bad. I told her I don't want to hurt myself (but she knows I think about it sometimes, even though I don't want to) but she told me about the hospital anyway. Felt weird.

It feels like my life is falling apart. I feel like a fraud. I feel so overwhelmed. I won't see the psychologist for another 2.5-3 weeks and it feels so difficult to wait that long. I don't know how to cope with life right now. I don't want to do anything. I'm not even reading. Haven't read in weeks. I don't want to study, I don't want to cook, I don't want to talk to anyone (besides the psychologist) etc. I don't know how to function right now.

That's all I have to say (well, there's probably more but I don't know how to express that).

Thanks for reading.