I was going along ok, and then I heard this song, and all the feelings I have for Ed came rushing back, and it feels like I've been hit in the stomach. He's gone, he's no longer the pastor of our church, he can't come back to the congregation for 2 years while we get settled with a new pastor, and the love letter I wrote him got me a kind reply, but stating that he hopes I can find someone who loves me back and who can make me happy. Truly, even if he wanted a relationship, the rules of the presbytery state that once a pastor leaves a church, he/she cannot come back to visit for 2 years in order to give the congregation time to get settled with the new pastor. He's in England right now on a month long vacation. Who knows what he'll do after that. I know he's always been in love with California. But what about me? What'll happen to me? I'll still be here. It's as if I don't even exist anymore. It's like watching someone board a plane and take off and all you can do is watch them fly away. And in your heart you know they're not coming back.