Quote:
Originally Posted by kala83
I feel so confused broken and miserable lately
I started taking PTSD therapy and ever since I have had a whole lot of random **** start happening to me making me have trigger some of which end up being so strong I am not sure i even want to be out in public when it goes on. I nearly verbally lashed out at another co worker badly a few days...ago....and now I am horrified to go into work again tomorrow. Too top it off I am having a bad manic episode with my bipolar tonight so I can not sleep.The phobia I have been having due to the PTSD is effecting everything in my life....I do not trust hardly anything my SO says to me anymore. And I am guilty thinking that possibly the best thing for us to do...or for me to do so that I do not end up bitterly hating him, and breaking up with him is for us to live seperatly until we can sort stuff the **** out in our lives.
I just can't help but keep asking mentally why is this happening to me? I am going to my therapist i am going to support groups I am trying to work though all of this....why do I feel the way I do why do I still feel like a victim? why am I lashing out angry at people in my life now?
why am I pushing people i love and adore away from me?
why is being happy something I can not recognize or I do not feel like i have in my life? why do I feel whenever I can be happy I get screwed out of being happy any time I really want to have it in my life?
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Hello kala83: A few years ago, I attended a partial hospital program. And one of the things I remember from that experience was one of the therapists saying: "Don't should on yourself." Don't tell yourself: "I should be this or that", etc. (Happy, tolerant, etc.) Still, I realize you're having great difficulty.
I have not had PTSD therapy. But I do know that any time a person starts digging up hurtful memories, it can spill over into day-to-day life for a while. I would think the first thing you might want to do is to talk with the professionals around you about what you're experiencing. They know you & should be able to work with you to minimize the impact this "spill-over" effect has on your life in general.
I don't recall you mentioning med's in your post. If you're not taking anything presently, perhaps this might be something to consider, at least for a while as you explore the experiences that caused you to develop PTSD to begin with.
My best wishes to you...
