I'm in the same medication boat. Managed without for six years and then everything went crazy. Now trying meds again. Found a good cocktail but then got all cocky and said **** meds and went off and screwed everything up. Now I can't find anything that works. I'm about to say **** meds again because nothing is working. At least without meds I got the highs. Now I just have this crushing low.

I think it might be possible to find the right combination if you're patient enough but I'm not patient.

Really I just wanted you to know that I read your post and I'm sorry you're going through such a terrible depression. I am too and it sucks. You'll find a lot of support here.