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Old Sep 25, 2014, 05:45 PM
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CantExplain CantExplain is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2011
Location: New Zealand
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Middlemarcher View Post
I think I have a good idea of what you're coming from, so in case it's useful to you, I'll share my experience. Sorry if anything is TMI...

I masturbated lying on my stomach for all my life, as early as I could remember. I had never had an orgasm on my back. I had a lot of issues (shame, embarrassment, anxiety, etc) surrounding this, and so I never once masturbated in front of the one partner I had from age 18-30. I never had an orgasm in any other way, so I just didn't orgasm with my partner for all those years.

When we split up a couple of years ago, I started dating someone else. I decided that I wanted to try masturbating with him present, to have an orgasm with a partner there. It was a no-go at first, then I managed to have a couple of excruciatingly difficult orgasms. I knew this was really just psychological, since it wasn't generally difficult for me to orgasm my usual way if I was by myself. So I had him go in another room a few times while I masturbated. It got less difficult. Then I could have him in the same room, but not watching me; then in the bed not watching me; then in the bed, watching but not touching me; then in the bed, watching and touching me. This was a pretty difficult process that took some patience and trust.

Not too long after this, I got a vibrator and started experimenting with lying on my back. Sometimes I'd get myself warmed up on my stomach first. After some patient experimenting (which, by the way, meant that I decided to not masturbate in any other way than on my back), I was able to orgasm on my back with the vibrator. The key to this for me was replicating the sensations that brought me there on my stomach. A lot of women who masturbate on their stomachs use a lot of pressure with the ball of their hands or an object (pillow, etc)-- so I need a lot of pressure / grinding motion, and I also put most of the pressure just to the left of the, ah, sweet spot... That is, indirect stimulation. Once I finally figured out exactly what my body needed, it became very easy to use the vibrator to bring myself to orgasm, with or without my partner.

I have been with my partner over a year, and I still have not had an orgasm through oral sex, intercourse, or manual sex. Just with the vibrator, using it on myself. Perhaps this will change eventually. For now, I'm happy just being able to do this. And for what it's worth, my orgasms now are ten times more intense than they used to be, so there was certainly a pay-off at the end of a long, sometimes frustrating process.
Great post!
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Middlemarcher
Thanks for this!
Middlemarcher