Hi there and welcome to PC!
You're not a loser, have you considered therapy? It could be helpful, to have someone to listen from an outside perspective
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“All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
Diagnosis:
Schizoaffective disorder Bipolar type
PTSD
Social Anxiety Disorder
Anorexia Binge/Purge type