Yes, I think my mother is a martyr/npd/control freak type person! I have to get this book you're talking about.

My mother also buys stuff (and then complains that we don't spend as much money on gifts for her). She is still 100% supporting one of my brothers who is in his 30s and throws money frequently to another. Money is another form of control - she was going through the TRASH one of my brother's generated when he was there, to make sure he wasn't throwing away anything that was still good, like a shirt that could be cut into a rag or something.

Interestingly, she seems pretty normal to other people.