I'm always attracted to women, I just know I could be way more romantic comfortably faster and much more confident if I had a female body to go with. I don't mind spending time on my looks. I don't want surgery or to transition. I'm ok being a guy and having sex with guy parts. It would be nice to have sex and be in a relationship with a woman as a woman for me, very very nice! The thing is also, I'm not picky on looks as I thought I was and not so much on personality. I find the things I like about an individual than the comparison to being like everyone else I may think I like. This girl is awesome, because she can make me laugh and actually be funny. She enjoys my company when I lay my head on her lap. We were just friends, but I had no problem amping it up to a romantic thing, because I was comfortable and I really wanted to. So I went for it, I like to be playful, I feel as a woman, I'd be more playful and much more seductive than as a guy. It's awkward, because I don't look the part, but if I was what I think I want to look like. Omg, I'd be hit up by guys and girls all the time, and people would assume I'm a slut, but I don't care. I don't shame anyone for sleeping around with a bunch of people, because it's a choice. I'd rather date a girl who has slept around and understands sex than be the awkward one about it any day. She enjoyed me how I was being playful. I was licking her and she was back and it became a game before we got really crazy, but we didn't have sex, because she doesn't have sex on the first date. I completely respected that and I liked her more because of that, it's something I learned I hated from before. She didn't do it because of me she did it, because it's her choice. I like that a lot about her. It makes me love her as a person and give her respect she deserves.
I am not head over heels yet, but I'm very close to it. I have to hold back and keep my logical part in me still. I know I have a female brain, because of my behavior and how I think to situations. It's very articulate precise, intuitive, on point, not always logical, but I hate explaining it to other women, because I don't want to sound imposing when I'm a relating in an unnatural way. I mean I can have sex for intimacy and love, because it's how I work mixed with just wanting sex. I am saying a lot of people are different I realized my brain is more than living proof that women and men are just people their is no binary about them. I don't understand why we have to divide people instead of saying we love people because we are people. I came out saying publicly a bit, that I'm bi curious technically. Yes I maybe interesting in the future, but as of now no. I had sex with men, but I didn't like it as I thought I would. Tbh, I like women more, but I'm saying I'm bi curious, because if I was a woman, it would be considered straight, but I'd want sex from men as a woman than as a man. I'd also be lesbian or I mean bi sexual.

My relationships would be so complicated, because I am out of the norm for a lot of people I am around. I don't think I'd be ready to settle down with anyone, or have children at all for another ten years at the most. In honesty, I'd rather not have kids period or be married. I don't want to be single all my life, but I won't be married till I'm old and I won't be having kids probably till then too. I might have to adopt, because the person I may marry won't be able to have kids.
Personally, I won't ever put a ring on any girl, I'd rather not to. I find it completely not practical at all except for money reasons which makes it less practical for my reasons wanting to. Love to me isn't defined to money or who has a better stuff and who doesn't. I don't believe that matters at all, I don't meet girls with that kind of appreciation very narrow minded men and women around my age expect things to be like this or that or we got nothing. I want, I want, I want, me me me, that's all mine not yours attitude. This girl doesn't seem like that, but we'll see. She knows I like competition, so if I try to one up her I want her to one up me back and keep it going it's fun. I find it hot when girls do that, not sit on their butt all the time expecting the world to come to them.
Independent minded, and mindful women are my biggest turn on. So far she likes it a lot and I know it would kick off. It was one of the most romantic nights I had in along time. I hope it gets better and I get to see her soon. See don't get completely the wrong impression, because this is another side of the coin. Like I have lots of good things, but I can't vent the stuff that bothers me. I'm not able to or allowed to where I live and who I talk to except my therapist. So I can be normal easy and well mannered no problem.
Things are really rough, and I'm lonely because I want more quality relationships that feel and are lively and lasting above all. The girl I had over is doing that for me since we've been friends a year ago after another girl I liked led me on. I hope it will be a positive experience.