Ah. Glad I could read this, and now better understand what we chatted about earlier, AS.

I think it is likely not unusual in a situation such as yours, that a parent can have more unresolved issues, or more complicated unresolved issues, than the child. However, I can only imagine the shock those issues can come as.

Maybe, if you find reading her letters ultimately torturous, you can start setting them aside with the idea in mind that you can always read them later? At least for a little while, while you find some better equilibrium for yourself, establishing your own center of gravity, unfettered by her needs. It certainly sounds as though the frenetic rate at which you are now receiving these communications from her, after years of absolutely none, is causing you enough distress to warrant your fencing it in a bit.

I hope you find some peace.