I've been in a state of denial the past year or so
KNOWING that this is not normal, KNOWING that he can't be fixed

But not having the guts to leave

So many things right now are SCREAMING at me to end this and leave
But I CAN'T

WHY?! why am I so afraid? Why can't I do what I need to?

I'm so depressed right now.... If it wasn't for the fact that I'd be leaving my kids alone with no one to protect them from him, I think I would try to do something stupid

I'm so drained and I just can't see how I'll ever know true happiness or life as it's supposed to be

Im so tired of just surviving but doing something about it is too scary

I'm tired of trying to convince OTHER people of what he is
I need someone here with me
I need someone to hold my hand while I do this
To convince ME that it IS the right thing to do in leaving, in tearing apart our family

I'm doing a bible study on gideon and I feel like God is SCREAMING at me what needs to be done

but I.CANT

what is wrong with me that I can't?