Actually that is part of the 50/50 split in the divorce.....you need to actually talk with your lawyer about adding that into the divorce......if you don't want it to be part of the divorce....you are still the beneficiary on the agreement in event of his death & it's important to be able to talk over the details of the divorce....it's not final.....it's still in process which means that everything still needs to be discussed....just the way it is.

I forced H to take his retirement from one of the companies he worked for because it was the only money available to pay the IRS debt he screwed up on hugely on MY inheritance money.....I told him it was 50/50 part of the split up so it was a fair way to pay that debt & he set it up so that I would get 75% on his deaty.....but I clued him in that in the divorce it's still a 50/50 split since his income is greater than mine & He ended up with everything in the house because I couldn't move much of anything 2100 miles away. Had to laugh because he said I would have any of the THINGS I wanted (like how in the world am I going to ship it across the country?).....but he stated "the my retirement isn't on the table"....I told him he needed to get a lawyer to discuss it with my lawyer because it's what is fair & I'm not going to argue with him....if that's the way he wants to deal with things than it will be up to the JUDGE to determine the fairness(this was all in writing through email).....but he still has it set up for the 75% after his death.

The only thing with the retirement money is that it takes a QDRO filed to divide that up in the divorce....not sure it a QDRO is necessary to be filed if you just bet it as a beneficiary or not.....that's something a lawyer will need to help you answer. Usually the retirememt people won't talk with you because they only will talk with the person who's retirement fund it is.

My H did things like before when I tried to file for divorce.....he would put his foot down to something & make it so miserable to deal with I would just not bother.....this time....IT"S OVER!!!!! & wrote that I wasn't going to be intimidated by him any longer like that. I can definitely see the Asperger's in him thinking & he's IMPOSSIBLE to communicate with......at least you have a STBXH who is capable of communicating & discussing things with you......my stbxh is like dealing with a child.

I shouldn't say this....but there are times when I wish he was no longer alive....it would make finally getting away from him so much easier.

I can't even get him to communicate with me regarding MY car that's sitting in his driveway needing to be scrapped.....he threw away the latest registration & lost the pink slip (argued with me for years that I had it here with me when I didn't even bring my birth certificate to start with)....I tried to get the DMV to send me a dupicate pink slip but they needed the registration....not easy to resolve from 2100 miles away but I'm not allowing him to have the money from the scrapping of the car & he can't scrap the car without my signed permission because the car was only in my name.....doing that because he's been such a impossible person to work with....I'm not giving him anything that he doesn't deserve.

It will be so wonderful when I don't have to have anything to do with him any longer.....its been like he hasn't existed the last 7 years anyway.....but no cooperation in areas where it's needed makes dealing with him total misery.

But you just need to sit down & talk....& lay out all the options & get them established in the divorce since it needs to be part of what is specified for the judge to make a ruling on.